| (no subject) |
[Aug. 6th, 2007|06:15 pm] |
Don't ask me if i'm okay. don't ask me how i'm coping. don't pretend that this is okay between us. but so you know the more you try to get to me the more i'm just going to push you away and crawl deeper into my hole. I'll come back to being me when I'm ready. So just dont fucking push me. you're so judgemental and untrusting. I'll be your bestfriend again when i can look you in the face without feeling like I should die. I can't blame you because I was the one who made the mistake.
you don't get how much I miss you. and every time i see you with her it kills me inside. so again please just leave me alone, I'm doing the best I can and just so you kknow. the wounds are healing and I've stopped with the bad habits. because I know I don't want to die. I've been stealing already stolen medication and mixing and matching. I'm still so unstable but I really am getting better.
I feel like a broken record just repeating everything over and over again. today I realised how much I miss the sun, and how much I miss your taste. The sneak kisses, the secrets. my efforts just wernt enough. I can not stress enough how much I tried to keep us a secret, whentherewasanus. I can't live or breathe without you. so I guess stealing your cloting and watching you from the other side of the room will just have to do.
I'm sorry for how much of a jerk I've been to you. and I'm sorry I made a mistake. I'm sorry i ever made a move. and I'm sorry I hurt you. I always think of how we'd be if i didnt make you stay that night at the clandestine party. I wouldnt call this insanity but its sure as hell close to it. I love you and I always have. I miss watching you sleep you deserve so much better than that whore, not like i was any better.
the charade wont last. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 3rd, 2007|09:03 am] |
 Let me in, let me in to the club, cuz I wanna belong, And I need to get strong, and if memory serves, I'm addicted to words and they're useless.
I miss you
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| Solitude. |
[Jul. 30th, 2007|08:11 pm] |
I'm a begger on the streets, got some spare change? anything will do. no one will help, not even if they could. I'm useless and I'm in the way, what else is there to explain. my chest is caving in and I'm running out of time, you wouldn't know bad luck if it stabbed you in the chest. I never want to see the sun again, and I've already built a bed at the bottom of the darkest hole. all i need is you... I know what I want.. but is this what you want?
we never saw this coming |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 28th, 2007|08:06 pm] |
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I remember when i was a child, we used to sing "can you keep a secret i dont suppose you can..", to tell you the truth i've never been good at keeping secrets. but my lips are sealed and my fingers are crossed. good things come to those who wait, and believe me i've waited a long time. first come first serve. I'm a very collected person but I'm also very... jealous. if I told you I'd have to kill you. this isn't the kind of secret you would guess. secretsdontmakefriends. |
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| Humiliation. |
[Jul. 22nd, 2007|10:36 am] |
Keywords are a fantastic scource of understanding even the most vauge of words. I thank god for your existance but I question the devil on how evil your intent may be. I'm not scared of having everything and everyone fuck me over because I have nothing left to lose now. I don't care who you think you are and what you think you know. because this is going to end in a blood bath. this is a decleration of war and everyone is preparing, I'll wait patiently as all the peices fall together and I'll laugh as you fall flat on your face.
Your arrogance is discusting. and your ignorance is amusing. I may seem quaint on the outside. But like everysingle person in this bomb shelter of a house hold. I am a fucking liar, my bones are riddled with fake oppertunities missed and taken. and these eyes have seen more heart ache than you could ever imagine. I'll be expecting you, you'll never catch me off guard..
if you play with fire, I'll burn your fucking face off. dont think i dont know what the fuck I'm doing just because I keep to myself. This is ryan coming out of his shell at the worst of times, and I'll be amazed if anyone lives through this fucked up disaster we call a life. I'll see you all in hell. I'll laugh whilst your corpses are rotting in the ground, and I'll visit your grave just to taunt you about who won. You'll never beat me.
I will Kill you all. |
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